What Happens When a Spender Marries a Spender?

Double trouble. Big spenders are good at what they do.

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What happens when two spendthrifts partner up, marry, cohabitate, whatever? Sadly, pretty much exactly what you would guess. Actually, probably a little worse in most cases than you would guess. And I’m not kidding. No one has seen more financial situations than I have and here’s some basic observations, there are exceptions, but these insights hold true in the vast majority of situations:

Two savers partner up—hey, easy peasy, controlled spending, less financial stress, tend to learn about financial planning and investing. All good. Now, a saver partners with a spender—obviously, some conflict, some very stressful moments.

But here’s the good news: the saver tends to eventually win the day in most cases. The spender gets tired of being nagged, systems are put in place and, what excites me most, the spender often ends up enjoying the transition to becoming a saver. Tougher road but lots of happy endings. Now, a spender partners with a spender—they spend. They spend some more. Not only does no one take the responsible road and regulate, they often feed off each other and rationalize even more spending because, “hey, you went to Vegas, why shouldn’t I get the new clubs?” Forced-saving techniques work, as usual, but they’re offset by rising credit card and line-of-credit debt.

Both those borrowing channels are viewed as second incomes. If one person cuts back even just a little, bitterness ensues when the other person doesn’t become more responsible immediately. Very high stress levels. Very high divorce rates. Sorry but after doing this for over 40 years, I’ve concluded that big spenders shouldn’t marry big spenders.

Now you say, what if they have big incomes? Hey, I hate to be so negative here, but it usually still doesn’t work. Seriously. In fact, I could tell you some stories where you just go, “What?” Big spenders are good at what they do. If you’re already in this situation, get a great financial planner/advisor. A solid educator. Insists on budgets, insists on spending summaries, limiting your access to credit, frequent reviews, et cetera.

Two spend thrifts—sadly, a near uncontrollable force.