Caregiving Needs to Be Viewed as Contributing to the Family Too

Caregiving is often overlooked in money conversations — but it’s a critical contribution. Heather and Doug Boneparth share why valuing time, not just income, can change everything.

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I think that time is a missing component from so many money conversations when we’re talking about partnership between two people and time was the thing that we did not reevaluate. So that was the thing that really caused, um, so many things to shift around in a way that we weren’t happy with, um, in our relationship because what had happened as a result of my time not being prioritized, my time going all towards our kids, kind of holding down the invisible load, giving him the time, all the time he needed to work and to, and to, you know, grow his business was that I stepped away from our family finances because it, it happened to feel like the only thing I was not responsible for, when in reality that’s a really damaging, troubling thing. A lot of people feel that way, that that is a typical pathway into why a lot of people say, I’m not going to involve myself in the household finances and, uh, is ultimately a bad decision.

Agree. Totally. You and I are on the same page there. Now, I mean, this is gonna sound sexist, but the data says that women often get the short end of the stick. That they, they, they take on too much in most cases. That they still do more than their fair share in the kids’ front, even though they’re working full-time. And again, in your case, Heather’s also helping you out in your business. How do you address that unfairness? I mean, recognizing it has to be the starting spot,

Recognizing it as the starting spot. I mean, we, we want the narrative to change from even the way that we frame what it means to contribute to your family. So when you hear, how do you contribute to your family, I think a lot of people will say, well, I contribute my salary, my paycheck. You know, caregivers are providers too, and until we view caregiving as an essential component to the interdependent organization that is a relationship, we will not be valuing the time of caregivers as much as we should.

Yeah. Love it. I completely agree with that. Have seen it at my own family to the nth degree. And you’re right, and again, we need to talk about this publicly. I’m so glad that you’re getting that message out there through your book, through all your interviews because vital. There’s obviously lots of exceptions. Some men are doing wonderful jobs on all fronts, but in general, your points are impossible to dispute when you see the actual evidence.