How to Avoid Conflict Over Family Mementos

What’s one of the top causes of family conflict after the passing of a loved one?

Deciding who gets to keep the family mementos. Seriously.

Here are two (fun) ways to avoid that conflict.

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This is a good video. Am I allowed to say that? It seems wrong to say about your own content, but hey, who cares? I hear a lot from executors about any number of challenges they deal with, most of the kind of stuff that you would guess. Foreign tax filings, they couldn’t find the will, missing passwords.

That’s a big one. It’s not a fun job. But a challenge that comes up an incredible amount is going to surprise you. It’s dealing with family arguments, heated family arguments, over not that valuable personal property, family mementos. Not the antique clock worth $26,000 or the Group of Seven painting worth $15,000.

Those valuable items are normally thoughtfully handled in the will. No, I’m talking about grandma’s tea set or grandpa’s golf trophies or an ashtray from the wedding. Those are where a lot of the fights come. There’s an emotional attachment there. The object offers a physical connection to the beloved deceased.

A valuable item, just not financially valuable. It’s so key to talk about all this prior to the death of the belonging’s initial owner. That is vital. Work it out then. And here are two ways to make the process not only fair, but honestly quite fun. And these truly work, as many people we’ve dealt with can testify.

One, have a lottery. All the interested parties, let’s say the seven grandkids in this example, draw a number from one to seven and then pick an order using a snake draft. One up to seven, back down to one. Some families say before the lottery, the executor asks, is there any one item that more than one kid is really emotionally attached to?

And then they try to work those situations out through friendly conversation. If the two parties end up locked in on receiving the item, they play rock, paper, scissors. I love that game and seriously, that’s what they do. Two, and this is my favorite approach, so much fun. All the potential beneficiaries are given 50 bidding points, then every item is auctioned off.

Hey, if you really want something, go big. Bid your whole 50, but no more items for you. Or maybe you try to have the high bid on 10 items for only 5 points each. Fun, strategic, fair. I love this idea. Heck, I want to play even with your family’s personal property. Call me. Kidding aside, both these approaches are wise ways to avoid what is often a surprising source of significant family conflict.

Easily avoided significant family conflict. Oh, and if grandma does have a first edition of The Wealthy Barber, bid 50.