Fairness in Relationships and How to Create True Space for Your Partner

Taking something off your partner’s plate means fully taking it. In this clip, Heather and Doug break down what that actually looks like and why Doug is now “Swim Dad.”

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Space needed to be created. That was number one. How do we get Heather the space that’s needed in order to, from getting back into our finances, to having time to take care of her needs, to having the time to enter the business on the right foot.

So, so this is a very important concept from, um, actually it’s, it is not our own, it is from Eve Rodsky’s work, uh, in a fair place system. Um, this idea of when you have a task you need to conceptualize, plan and execute the task. Doug is an amazing executor. He always has been. If I tell him what to do, he will eventually do it, uh, eventually, but so much of what I felt like was burdening me and consuming my time was mental.

It was the planning. And of course, you know, during COVID, we went into COVID with a one-year-old and a 4-year-old. Talk about. Emotional and mental load of decision making. I mean, like there was this whole like, like moral health component to it too that was very scary and it was like a whole thing. And I felt like it was like the weight of those decisions were really entirely on me.

But it, but at a certain point, you know, Doug learned that when I said something like this is our, this is the example we always share. He was going to take over our daughter’s swim program. She was a competitive swimmer on a swim team.

I hope this isn’t the 1-year-old because then you’re the wrong kind of parent.

This was the then seven year old.

Okay. Okay. That’s better. Okay. That’s better. Okay.

The idea here was Doug, you’re gonna take over swim from beginning to end, meaning that the only thing she is going to do is show up to cheer on our daughter from getting ready for practice, from the carpooling, from watching practices, doing the everything snacks, buying bathing suits, registering for the programs, all of it.

All of it, anything to do with that, it falls in my court now. So that removes the, well, do I need to leave now for, you know, what’s the date? It is off her plate entirely. And that’s how you effectively create meaningful space.

No, I love it. And it deepens your relationship with your daughter too. And also I think she has more respect for the way you’re handling yourself because you are being more fair. That’s a good example for the kids going forward. I mean, there’s so many other positives that flow from it.