Dave’s Dad’s Ultimate Senior “Scam”

My dad and the ultimate senior scam.

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Hey, you all know how much I love spending summaries. Incredibly impactful tool. True difference maker. Well, here’s my dad’s, right here. That’s right, it’s blank. Yet, amazingly, it’s also accurate. This guy has forgotten his wallet on 179 straight visits to restaurants, barbers, ball games, ice cream shops… you name it.

“Dad, you forgot your wallet again!” “Yes, an unfortunate oversight. You get this one. I’ll get the next.” He lived down with me in Sarnia last fall and insisted on a chocolate cake from Williams Bakery every few days and nightly trips to Wendy’s for dinner. Of course, “Oh my. Did I leave my wallet on the nightstand again?”

Finally, after about 30 trips to Wendy’s, I asked, “Do you not feel guilty at all about this?” “Yes, yes, indeed. It does leave a bad taste in one’s mouth, but nothing a large milkshake won’t wash away.” Two years ago, the family was on vacation. The kids, their partners, everyone. And we all said, “Tonight, Gramps, we’re going to a nice restaurant and you are paying.”

In fact, I said to him, “I’m gonna watch you put your wallet in your pocket.” We eat, the bill comes and, shockingly, dad reaches for his back pocket. He’s of that generation, of course, with the huge thick wallets. It’s crazy thick. No wonder he’s had three hip replacements. Well, we have to pry this thing open.

Then he has neuropathy and says, “There’s no way I can possibly get the credit card out of this tight slot.” I said, “Don’t worry, I can.” When I eventually am able to get it loose, it comes out with a receipt from the last time he used it stuck to one side. Blockbuster video. Anyway, after all this is said and done, he announces, “That was fun.

I’d like to do it again every few years.” The guy’s 93. You know when experts say, “Beware of senior scams!” Yeah.